damn. it got real up in that memory cave
If you have to ask, you're streets behind
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Post reblogged from rosebud;!;!;!;!;!;!
Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.
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As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”
Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?
From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.
Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?
Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”
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Quote reblogged from I DREAMED YOU WERE A COSMONAUT;When your only female character exists to be battered and abused, that is lazy writing. When you raise the stakes by threatening a woman with rape, that is lazy writing. When you demonstrate the “seriousness” of a situation by describing a brutal rape, that is lazy writing. When you inject emotion into a flagging scene by making the man throw the woman against the wall, that is lazy writing. Not only is it lazy writing, but when rape is used lightly and cheaply as a convenient narrative device, it hurts people.
(via bon-bon)
this post was brought to you by “the girl with the dragon tattoo”
(via remove)
(Source: mehreenkasana)
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Quote reblogged from Sexism & the CityAll of this is typical girl-fear. Once you realize that The Exorcist is, essentially, the story of a 12-year-old who starts cussing, masturbating, and disobeying her mother—in other words, going through puberty—it becomes apparent to the feminist-minded viewer why two adult men are called in to slap her around for much of the third act. People are convinced that something spooky is going on with girls; that, once they reach a certain age, they lose their adorable innocence and start tapping into something powerful and forbidden. Little girls are sugar and spice, but women are just plain scary. And the moment a girl becomes a woman is the moment you fear her most. Which explains why the culture keeps telling this story.
Rookie, The Season of the Witch (via girlinthepurpleshirt)
Filed under : kick-ass on point feminist cultural studies critiques.
(via fuckyeahjoshlin)
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Quote reblogged from feministfilmNobody tells an actor, ‘you’re playing a strong-minded man.’ We assume that men are strong-minded. A strong-minded woman is a different animal.
Meryl Streep, on being told that she often plays “strong-minded women.”
(via andyouhavetogivethemhope)
(Source: leahblaine)
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Post reblogged from feministfilm
SISTERS TOGETHER IN GIRLIE MOVIE-MAKING ACTION
In honor of all those women out there making films and kicking ass, I propose a new manifesto—Sarah Jacobson
Because movies that reflect a woman’s point of view are still too rare.
Because even though women are achieving incredible feats in business, politics, sports and the arts, we are still invisible unless we are the love interest or the heinous bitch (or both!).
Because women who have made films in the past have been written out of history—like Alice Guy Blache, the first narrative filmmaker (The Cabbage Fairy, 1896), who went on to run her own studio and was involved with over 700 films and has been totally left out of the history books.
Because distributors don’t pick up films made by women and critics don’t champion girl-friendly movies that do get released. (Can you name any female-directed, critic-darling movies where a woman doesn’t die at the end?)
Because the industry doesn’t know how to market to a female audience and isn’t interested in organizing one.
Because women over 35 are one of the largest movie-going audiences and Hollywood doesn’t want you to know!
Because someone made, released and gave a ton of money to Shallow Hal!
Because girls are still getting intimidated out of film school.
Because we are not going to put up with this *beep* any longer.
Because we are tired of women filmmakers and women’s stories being considered a stigma.
Here are the guidelines:
—At least one of the main characters is a woman
— The main woman character does not die at the end, especially if she flaunts moral and sexual conventions
— The main woman character does more than be helpless and/or sleep with the main man character
— No rapes against women unless it deals with the consequences
— No “glamorous” female naked corpses
— More eating pussy and clitoral stimulation scenes during sex scenes if there are any
— No shopping montages
— No makeovers
— Must have at least one guy in the cast who straight girls would want to French kiss
—No dissing of fat girls
— No male fantasy lesbian makeout scenes
— Beautiful girls only fall head over heels in love with ugly loser guys if he’s rich or gives good head
— The main woman character must have one real friend who doesn’t *beep* her over at the end because of jealousy over a man
— A woman must either be the writer or the director of the film
— TAKE YOUR CREDIT. Women, no more holding back to not intimidate others, especially if you are producing your boyfriend director. -
Quote reblogged from you're my forever girlSex-negative messages don’t keep people from having sex. They keep people from having good sex. They keep people from having pride in their sexuality, from sexual self-awareness. They keep people from asking questions about sex, and communicating with their partners. They discourage experimentation. They blur the lines between consensual sex and rape by framing all sex as an undifferentiated mass of “bad.
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Quote reblogged from you're my forever girlNobody told me I had a clitoris. Nobody told me I was capable of having orgasms. For five years I was given “sex education”. It mostly consisted of periods and condoms. It didn’t talk about consent. It didn’t talk about the actual mechanics of sex, about arousal and lubrication and oscillation. It didn’t tell me a single thing about relationships and it didn’t tell me I had a clitoris. I only know now because of the internet. Nobody entrusted with my care and education has ever told me that the female orgasm exists, or about the parts of my anatomy necessary for it. I didn’t find my clitoris until I was eighteen, after six years of active sexuality. That makes me angry.
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Quote reblogged from not catherine deneuveMy point is that feminists are not biological determinists. Feminists are the least likely people to say ‘all men are bastards’. Some of them might say ‘many men behave like bastards’. But they don’t imply that such behaviour is acceptable because its genetic or ‘natural’ for men to behave that way, like those arguments defending rapists which imply that men are really all just stupid cavemen who can’t be blamed when they rape because, hey, men just can’t help it when they see someone in a mini skirt. Feminists don’t write books about how men are genetically incapable of picking up an iron. Feminists don’t write books about how men are from another planet, one where men have to be left ‘in their cave’ because they just don’t have proper emotions like women do. That’s because actually, feminists think men should be treated as fully functional human beings with brains and morals who should be held responsible for the choices they make.
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The founder of the gulabis is the fearless Sampat Pal Devi, 40, who was married off at the age of 12 to an ice-cream vendor and had the first of her five children at 15. The gulabis, whose members say they are a “gang for justice,” started in 2006 as a sisterhood of sorts that looked out for victims of domestic abuse, a problem the United Nations estimates affects two in three married Indian women. Named after their hot-pink sari uniforms, the gang paid visits to abusive husbands and demanded they stop the beatings. When obstinate men refused to listen, the gulabis would return with large bamboo sticks called laathis and “persuade” them to change their ways. “When I go around with a stick, it’s to make men fear me. I don’t always use it, but it helps change the mind of men who think they are more powerful than me” says Pal. She has assumed the rank of commander in chief and has appointed district commanders across seven districts in Bundelkhand to help coordinate the gang’s efforts.
Pal’s group now has more than 20,000 members, and the number is growing.
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Quote reblogged from the mistress witch from mcclureA woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed.
http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/articles/nightmare.html (via alullaby)
That sums it up
(via erikawithac)
This reminds me of a discussion we had in school, and one girl was talking about living in fear of her safety because she is a girl, and this guy chimed in and was all “It’s hard for guys too! I’m so awkward around girls! It’s embarrassing!” Yeah, not the same thing, exactly?
(via tulletulle)
Wow.(via kittencoaster)
This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them.
I think that says a lot.
(via kaitg)
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Quote reblogged from not catherine deneuve
The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.
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Post reblogged from feministfilm
Today I watched, among other things, I Love You Beth Cooper, The Girl Next Door, and Easy A.
In the first, Hayden Panettiere makes out with a party store clerk for free beer and because She Is A Free Spirit. She is okay with it, because She Is A Free Spirit and also because of free beer. But then, later, Skinny Boy That She Will Inevitably See For His Heart of Gold looks at her and says, “You are better than that.”
You are better than that.
And then she got all teary-eyed and serious-faced like oh skinny dude, you have a heart of gold. By telling me what my body is and isn’t good for, I can tell that you know The Real Me, and I am not really a Free Spirit Who Likes Free Beer And/Or Sex. I am a sweet girl. I am better than that.
The Girl Next Door could be titled Successful Porn Start Saved By a High School Dude Who Likes To Speak For Her. The trope takes pretty much any form imaginable in this movie:- When the skinny dude finds out that Elisha Cuthbert is/was a porn star, he is mean to her and takes her to a motel to take advantage of her. When he realizes that that is a bad idea, he decides he no longer wants to have sex with her because you cannot like someone and also have sex with them.
- He also shows up to her lucrative porn convention in order to yell at her and tell her that she is very unhappy, and he can tell that she is not where she belongs. And she, of course, doesn’t say anything. Then he tells her producer that she is not happy, and no one asks her anything, and anyway she cries or something and shows up at his house the next day in jeans after skipping out on a $30,000 shoot.
You could say there is a version of You Are Better Than That in Easy A in that the entire film is Olive reiterating that she is not, in fact, a slut. But really, You Are Better Than That is only truly in action when it’s uttered by a man. But have no fear! In the end, the only guy who Really Likes Her is the one who believes that she would not really have sex (and he knows this because she would not kiss him when they were twelve, or something). He knows her, obviously.
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Quote reblogged from feministfilm
Chainsaw murder is pretty terrible, true, but if you are reading this, my guess is that you have never been murdered with a chainsaw. It’s unlikely that a movie is going to cheapen, sensationalize or trivialize your experience as a chainsaw murder victim. You have also probably never been sewn face-first to anyone else’s butt. You have probably never been eaten by a zombie. You probably have not been stalked by an evil little girl who lives in a well; you probably are not interviewing a super-genius cannibal psychiatrist; you do not have to worry that anyone is going to show up and Drag You To Hell. You can watch movies about any of these things, and enjoy the violence on an aesthetic level, because you know that you don’t have to take the feelings of zombie victims all that seriously. It’s monster makeup, Karo syrup, and food coloring. It’s not anyone’s real life.
But if you’ve been sexually assaulted, you don’t have to imagine how scary that might be. You don’t have to watch a movie to be confronted with the possibility. And you do have to take it seriously. Even if you haven’t been assaulted, it’s likely that you know someone who has. So to have this experience treated as a standard horror trope, on the level of scary ghosts and cannibal witch cults and human centipedes and other shit that just doesn’t actually happen… well, it’s irksome. Because, sure, everybody wants to see some extreme and unlikely and violent shit happen in a movie, now and again. Being shocked and scared is fun. But to have rape treated as something unlikely and bizarre, something we can enjoy based on the level of creative violence involved, isn’t actually saying that rape is “horrific.” It’s saying, on some level, that rape isn’t real.
Tiger Beatdown, “Horror Innovator Innovates Horror,” Sady Doyle on director Tom Six’s cheap exploitation of sexual assault in The Human Centipede II. (via feministfilm)
